"Your request could not be understood. Please hold to speak with the next available representative."

Pain.

It's such a weird... I don't know.  Concept?  Physical pain, I mean.
Our own pain is so real, so tangible, so... dibilitating at times that you just want to SCREAM.
But then nobody can understand the pain that you feel.  It's yours and nobody elses.
How do you prove the pain you are in to someone else?  They don't feel it.  You can't show them.  Nobody can really understand it.
I mean, when you have the flu... the fever, the vomiting... they are all proof of you being sick.  But the pain... how do you get someone to really get that?


I remember like it was yesterday.  Grasping at straws to find just ONE person who would understand... just one person who would believe the amount of pain that I was in.

I called EVERY single Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist within an hour drive from my house.  By the third call, I was weeping so loudly that the unsuspecting receptionist on the other end couldn't even make out what I was trying to say.

"I'm sorry ma'am, it's just that we don't have any openings for new patients until mid-August."

With each call, I felt so defeated.

"PLEASE. PLEEEEASE.  I just need to see someone, anyone!  I can't bear this pain any longer.  I can't see straight.  I can't function.  I am in so. much. pain.  Please."

The call would end.  and I would hyperventilate.

---I don't understand!  How can they hear me on the phone, how could they listen to me bawling in their ear!?  WHY AM I IN SO MUCH PAIN!---

Then I got pissed. 
---This isn't right.  Why the does it matter if I'm a "new patient"?---

I randomly chose a place to call (as I had called all of them about 3 or 4 times).  The receptionist answered, and I put on my big girl pants and demanded an appointment.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I told you alr..."

"No.  I know what you told me, and it's not acceptable.  I am in pain, and I need to see a specialist.  now.  So... If you can't make that happen, I need to speak with the doctor myself.  So.  Do you have an appointment for me or not?"

"Well ma'am, my hands are tied."

Every emotion was boiling.  My stomach had butterflies... my ears were ringing... my face was burning...  I thought I was about to have a nervous breakdown.



And then I did.

It all came pouring out... I cried and cried.  Snot pouring out of my nose the same rate that tears were coming out of my eyes.  Everything I was feeling had surfaced, and I felt like I was outside of my body looking down on myself.  
--Who is this person?  She looks so helpless.  How had it come to this so quickly?  What had I missed?  
WHY WOULDN'T ANYBODY HELP ME?!?!---

If the woman on the line was talking, I hadn't heard a single word of it.  
At one point, I realized I was hearing music on the other line.  She had put me on hold.  

My heart rate slowed and the wailing stopped.  Quiet sobs escaped me, trying to catch my breath... I made disjointed hiccuping sounds.  
The woman came back on the line and cautiously she spoke.  

"Ma'am, you can come in tomorrow afternoon.  We will find a place for you."  

And all I could say was "ok".  

I was so mentally and physically exhausted.  I was numb.  

One thing is for sure though, nothing could numb the pain I was feeling.